My Way of Living:
mental health

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Chateau Gingerbread, 6:30 pm

Gingerbreadman rushes inside his house on pins and needles, a late-ending event at his office coupled with the maddening rush of the sundown traffic resulting in twenty minutes worth of tardiness. The helpers are stirred by his spastic entrance, the elder Ginger folk jostled by the abruptness of his appearance. A week-long bout with the chills had the elders admonishing him at the mere mention of a run, urging him to err on the side of caution lest he meet the same fate of the 7 other victims from his alma mater.

Gingerbread Grandpa : Are you crazy? You are sick! Sick I say! You need to rest! And besides, it's raining!

GBM: It's not raining. That's the blender.
Gingerbread Grandma: Just stay home hijo I will make you some Spam and Eggs
GBM : Yum. How healthy. What's your BP again?
Gingerbread Doggie : Woof! Wooooof! Bark! Yelp! (Translation : I could care less if you're sick, but could I have the Spam and Eggs instead?)
GBM: How thoughtful. Now knock it off or I'll have you neutered.
Gingerbread Gal (via SMS) : Please don't go... . you're sick... .. I'll be sooo worried :( Don't go ...
GBM: Aww how sweet. Okay, because you deserve nothing less. I'll... text you when I get home! Xoxo!

Unflinching in his resolve to run despite the chorus of incessant protests received from the immediate brood, GBM nonchalantly went through a whirlwind version of his pre-run ritual. I'll be late for my own freaking run. How embarassing. Oh great the newbie guy texted, he's there already. I don't feel good at all, but what the heck. I'll just run it off. Someone please get the doggie off my leg!

Mcdonald's Pearl Drive, 6:50 pm

20 minutes late and counting . As he rushed into the world's #1 purveyor of high cholesterol, an unfamiliar face was waiting amongst the early dinner throng. Niceties are exchanged. Pio was the name. HR Consultancy was his game. On and off runner since 2005 with a max of 5k in a race. Even as running pals Rico and Bong Yu emerged from the woodwork, GBM could not help but wonder how the newbie could survive the projected 22k route. If he collapses, would that be on me? He looks like he has insurance... Hmmm... . Or better yet I could just blame Rico and Bong... .

GBM was jolted from calculating the ramifications of death via newbie when running buddy/risk manager Rico tapped him on the shoulder, reminding him of unfulfilled promises... .

Rico : Hey, where's my prize? GBM : What prize?Rico : You know, that Levi's Unbuttoned Contest thing you had going... .
GBM : Oh yeah, that!

Rico : I won you know... ..

GBM : Oh... ... .. Yeahhhh... ... . Umm, I left it in the office... ..

Rico : Excuses excuses, is this even a real contest?

GBM: Of course it is!

Rico: Looks like a cheap advertising gimmick to me!

GBM : Nooo... it's true! I just left it in my desk! I prooomisee!

Rico : Is it true that you rigged it so I could win?

GBM: Next question please... .

With everything in order, the group set out on their mission - a 22k LSD that would be the first step in their mileage building process for some, a huge running milestone for another.

And so it begins

Km 1.5 - Gold Loop Ortigas

The group was just getting into the groove along the busy alleyways of the Gold Loop that circumvents Pearl Drive. Along the way, GBM had to endure the hopefully friendly jeers of students reveling in his demystified state, his short shorts the complete antithesis of his formal,barong-clad persona. As they were about to hit the route where a squatters settlement was rumored to be intentionally razed, the foursome met triathlete Javy, of Tri'n Hard fame . On the last legs of his route, the affable road warrior shared a quip or two while traversing a single loop, his preparations for the upcoming Animo Tri nearing its peak. With the next leg beckoning, goodbyes were exchanged as the group was steeling itself for the pounding ahead.

Chillin' with Tri'n Hard

Km 4, Julia Vargas Ave

My name is Bong and I work in One San Miguel. Why I come along to these runs, I have no idea. I'm none too shabby a runner myself, I'm a 57 10k dude. I'm just too modest to tell anyone about it. But I wanna take it to the next level. I want to bring that speed to the longer distances. Maybe that's why I'm here. Boy, Julia Vargas sure is dark at night. Is the newbie still alive? He's nice. If something goes wrong, I'll just blame GBM. He organized the whole thing anyway. Why is he pacing us like a madman? Is he mad at us? Why is he subjecting us to this sort of punishment. Oh yeah, we requested this pace. Me and my big mouth. Ow! He almost got run over. What a psycho. Not the car. GBM! Why does he like running in the middle of the street? And he's taking pictures! Is that part of the training? Psycho.

Julia Vargas is fun at night
Km 6, St. Martin Hills

Pio is the name and HR is my game. Running? Getting there. So why am I here? Hey I'm down for anything. These guys are so fast. What's this tempo thing they're doing. Runner terminology. Ptooey. One day I'll drop one of these on an unsuspecting newbie. But for now I'm the newbie. I'll take my lumps. And... . oh lord what's with these people??? Are we seriously going to climb this hill? I take this on 1st gear with my car!!! What Psychos! Whaa... . *pant* *gasp*

Daunting indeed.

Km 7.5, Motel/Baby Gravy Drive

I'm known in running circles as Sheer Will. You know, the famous (ahem) blogger/ quintessential nice guy/kuya figure ? My closer friends call me Rico. People who make me feel old call me Boss Rico. People who don't know me at all ask me if I'm the basketball player from Ateneo. Yes, my name is Enrico Villanueva. No I am not the basketball player from Ateneo. Yeah, if I was 6"5 I would be dating celebrities and sipping iced tea at Manila Polo instead of killing myself here with these shmucks. If I lose a little more weight, maybe I could go back into my old life as a commercial model and just ditch this running thing altogether. So here we are, Motel Drive. So many happy memories here. Sigh. What? P520 for a room??? Are they insane?? During my time it was just P180! With electric fan and free soap already! Geez! What a ripoff! And they have hand signals now? Whaaa? What debauchery!Hey, these uphills are getting easier by the day. Maybe it's the view. I should train here more often.

Them hand signals are the best thing since Google

Km 12, C5. GBM.

Wow, it's amazing that the guys are still going strong. They asked for a sub-7 pace to get used to the Milo cutoff . We're running a 6:45 right now. Bong and Rico should get used to this in no time. I'm starting to feel woozy. Maybe I should have listened to the old people. Oh lord I tripped. Thank God no one saw me. Wa-poise! Is Pio still alive? Oh he's right behind me. Check! How does he manage? I'm in awe. Is he pulling a Tito Caloy right here? (To you reading this right now - yeah I'm talking to you and breaking the 4th wall right here - FYI Tito Caloy went from a 5k race to a 27k LSD. Just to put things into context.) It should be over soon... . cough. Cough. COUGH.

We should have just stayed in Motel Drive!

Need... replenishment... Sprite ... . Sprite?

Km 14, C5. Pio.

Gasp. I'm tired. But I need to show these kids a thing or two! This is one newbie that doesn't have quit in him! Do you read my singlet? 2005 baby! 2005! Respect! Although I haven't ran another race since. Still! Gasp. We're still fast. I am starting to dislike this Gingerbread character by the minute. I can't breathe! Must.. push ... . on! These guys are nuts!

2009 rendition of Edvard Munch's "The Scream"

Km 15, C5. Just after Eastwood. Rico.

Where the crap are we going? Why aren't we stopping? Where's the @#$% u-turn? I am starting to dislike this Gingerbread character. I'm tiiiiiired!

By Sheer Will he pushes on

Km 16, Turnaround Point. Bong.

Hoy! Malayo pa ba????? ( translation : Are we there yet?? Where the crap are we going??)

Shaider has a new hobby

Km 17, start of C5 turnaround point

The group has persisted on, GBM maintaining a sub 7 pace as they neared the 20 km mark. Traversing the narrow streets of Libis, they could see that their pacer was noticeably slowing down. Maybe it's his positive split thing catching up with him. But upon reaching the Jollibee branch near Acropolis for a much needed rest, they could see his eyes were glassy. He didn't look alright. Something was up. We can cut short the route man. The warm gesture was waved off with no hesitation. We came here with a goal, and we need to meet it. Deciding that the wide open streets bordering Green Meadows were a better alternative to the life-or-death game they were playing in C5, the steely foursome soldiered on.

Km 19, Green Meadows. GBM.

Crap. Now I'm really not feeling well. They will positively roast me when I get home. I can't pace anymore. Heck I can barely run anymore. I'm really dizzy. But to pace and then to quit... . I wouldn't take that. I invited them here, with a goal in mind. We need to meet that. We need to develop that warrior mentality. A fever will not kill me. At least not today.

Km 21, St. Martin Hills, 2nd Loop.

The group was ecstatic. Pio had just successfully completed his first unofficial half-marathon. He had pulled off a Tito Caloy with what seemed to be an effortless run. It's the very thrill of going past one's limits, or helping others get there, that keep runners coming back for more. GBM looked to be in horrid shape. The guy needs to rest. Psycho. A last push up the St. Paul incline and the group called it day. 22 .2 kilometers total. Whew. Longest run for Pio. Longest LSD for Bong as well. Covering GBM's weekly long run route ain't so bad after all.

Who da man? Who da man?

And the Rookie of the Year goes to.. .

Epilogue, Pearl Drive.
The goal met, the group retreated to Chiggy's Pearl Drive for some scrumptious after-run grub. GBM and Bong had Jumbo Liempo. Rico had Bulgoggi. Although completely unnecessary , man of the hour Pio footed the bill, a seeming rite of passage for a guy who had just defied all expectations by doing a Tito Caloy.Friendly banter. Humorous Anecdotes. A life's worth of running memories being built right there.

Yummy Liempo Place

Enjoying some after-run foodies
As the final piece of jumbo (they weren't kidding) liempo was consumed, there was one prevailing sentiment amongst the group.

This was fun... ..

And... ...

We should do it again.

You all know the story. We have heard the rants. Internalized the numerous streams of venom put forth by the angry masses. Admittedly, I am one of them. The lack of foresight caused 57 runners in my category to DNF, the scorching heat too much for them. We could only guess what medical malady befell them. The same lack of foresight had my friend overcome by heat stroke and hyperventilation 500 meters from the finish line, resulting in a 2 hour stint at Makati Med. Ironically, if only the course had been accurate he should have finished it straight up. If there's one saving grace, they released results which took into account the excess 500 - 600 m on the route. The resulting distance adjustment gave me a PR of 2:14:36, which I hazard compensates for the initial time lost. Anyway, here was my after-race take on the whole thing as posted on the Takbo.ph forums : As has been customary for me already (and the lack of a blog notwithstanding), here's a comprehensive post on my Botak 21k race. A fair amount of vitriol has already been spewed by Deo and supahatdog in the earlier posts, so I'll give you my take on it. The first warning sign for me was when I heard from the gang that the 21k start time was 6 am bigla. Only 2 days before I had called the Botak office and was informed of a 5 am start. So I was sort of weirded out by that. Everyone was getting conflicting information. So I decided I'll arrive at 5am just to be sure. I was alarmed because at 6am, people would be running well into the 8 am - 9 am range already. Would this be a portent of things to come? So we started at 6 am. 5:58 on my 305. Attempted to pace Sam for 5k, he fell back at 1 1/2 k mark. First k was 4:35, 2nd k was 5:02. He was the only guy I remotely ran with. 97% of the race I was alone

At 10k mark I was at 55:34 and liking my chances. Running in Rockwell was neat as well, kahit uphill siya. Coming off a pretty nice run the previous week at ATC, my goal was to significantly improve my Greenfield PR of 2:19 something. Then it happened. What happened? The heat happened. Yes, the heat. Good ol' 32 degrees with 66% humidity. I never knew what the desert felt like until awhile ago. It was crippling, debilitating, paralyzing (I'm running out of adjectives) to the point of hilarity. At the 10k mark I was maintaining a healthy 5:30 or so pace. By the time the race was over I had surrendered a full minute off that

So what happened to me from 10k to 16k? - Hookers in Burgos waved at me. I waved back. - Jeepneys in Burgos nearly sideswiped me. I couldn't sideswipe back. - The area near South avenue I got several seemingly innocuous comments of "Japorms" from fun bystanders. - I had at least 2 guys (21k dudes also) ask me "Bakit ang dami mong tali?" (Does this mean they either got lost or took a shortcut? Guess the race marshals took off for colder fronts) - I had agonizing km splits reaching up to 8:24

So sue me, I couldn't breathe anymore, it was like the oxygen was sucked out of the surroundings already. My original plan was to pick up the pace from the 17k mark onwards and "earn back" the pace I had lost. I was marginally, nominally successful at best. The heat and humidity were too much. The best I could muster with all my might was a 6:25, followed by mid 7's till the end. From the 16- 21 k mark these were the sights : - Runners fighting the people at the water stations because there's no water - Runners walking Kalayaan Flyover - Runners walking everywhere - Runners quitting and sitting on the curb to take a break. - "Ang init no?" entrenching itself as the unintentional comedy quote of the day. - An "elite" looking guy (crew cut, short shorts) paced by me at the 18k mark and asked, "May tubig ka ba?" in a seemingly imposing and authoritative way. So I um, gave him the Gatorade I was saving for my final push. He muttered what seemed like a rudimentary form of "thank you" and promptly sped off. Nice guy. With the sun in all its bedazzling glory, for the first time in my life I have felt how it was to run in a desert with no breathable air. My goals suddenly shifted from setting a PR to merely getting out of there in one piece. It was debilitating to say the least. A test of sheer will if you may. In the cornucopia of things that make up the runner's psyche, one has to think "Should I go for broke and risk collapsing, or should I just focus on survival?" I was feeling horrible, I thought I would pass out several times. Mentally, I was pushed to the very limit. The death zone from 19k - 21k had "QUIT" written all over it. In the end, prudence won out over glory. In spite of the crushing circumstances, I was somehow blessed to finish the race at 2:17:28 chopping off 2 mins and 20 seconds off my current 21k PR. I felt horrible. And to make matters worse, when I crossed the finish line a kid was running recklessly towards me, causing me to jump to avoid him. This in turn triggered a strain in my hammy I still feel as I am typing this. Final Thoughts? - I will never ever run a 21k race that starts at 6am during the summer. - Running with jeeps beside you is not fun at all - The course was 21.47 on my 305. That's nearly half a kilometer. A half kilometer that translates into 3-4 minutes lost on your time. Sayang naman. - I was super worried about Doc Roy, Doc Sherwin, and Coach Pojie for their 42k run, given the punishing conditions and no water support. I am so happy and proud that they finished it in one piece and got their medals Way to go guys! - Congratulations to Edu for setting a new 10 K PR taking it in 56 something and finally breaching the 57 mark! Good job! - I am proud that other 21k runners like Deo,Boss Rico, Tim, Bong and Sam among others fought through the punishing elements to finish. Lesser men would have quit.Your determination and will is something that makes us all proud.

The other day I was overcome with the amount of perfume a woman was wearing in a store, and I wrote this blog post titled Scents and Sensibility, describing how badly it affected me. It wasn’t that I didn’t like her scent, it was the rash it caused on my face. It struck a nerve, with many readers writing in to say that they too suffer from problems, allergies, and rashes from household cleaners, perfume, and chemical additives. Those of us who suffer these allergies, and problems are merely the canaries in the mine. We are the early warning signals that there is something wrong in the environment, in our food, in our every day world. Consider us the sentinels.

Miners used to lower a canary down into a pit to see if they became sick from toxic gases. That would allow them a chance to leave, or put on respirators. I first read about the practice in a Laura Ingalls Wilder, Little House on the Prairies book, and it has stayed with me since. We are the canaries, and the mine is the environment that everyone is living in.

Go down the cleaning aisle, notice how strong the scent is, if it doesn’t bother you, consider yourself very fortunate. Like many people I am affected by the mere waft of household cleaners in the air surrounding the aisle. In fact when I worked at my retail job, I had to ask special permission to be excused from stocking any shelves in the Housewares area, because it caused my allergies, and a rash on my face to be so aggravated that I had to leave the store.

I can’t use any commercial cleaners that you purchase from the store, I can’t eat certain foods, and can’t use most lotions, makeup, and soaps that you might not even consider a problem. This is a sudden turn of events, my life wasn’t this complicated a few years ago. But apparently years of working in a greenhouse, and chemical exposure has resulted in my developing a severe chemical sensitivity.

Be aware of what you are using to clean your house, try a more natural approach, there are many premade solutions on the market that are more healthy, or you can make your own. Look into skin saving shampoos, and conditioners that contain less harmful ingredients. Laurie from When the bough breaks is linking up with me and you might like to see what she has to say also. If you suffer from environmental allergies feel free to let us know what you have to do to cope with them.

Each Thursday the Frugal Five write a blog post on Thrifty living 2012. With the economic downturn, and the cost of living rising, it’s good to have some tips on how to save, and be thrifty. Join, Brenda, Claudia, Elaine, Diane, and myself as we present our individual views on each subject. This week’s topic is Saving on Groceries. Food, I love it, but it costs the earth sometimes to buy. We Canadians can only look over the border with some sort of envy, it seems like Americans have such choice, and so many great prices that we can only dream of. Add in extreme couponing, stacking coupons, double coupon days… we can just dream on. While we do have store coupons, and sales, manufactures coupons, and rebates, I don’t think they come anywhere close to what US shoppers have available. Not to mention the wider variety of products that are available…

1. I buy in bulk, it’s simple if you have the space buy larger quantities and break them into smaller, easier to store amounts. We have Costco, and bulk stores, prices there are usually quite a bit cheaper when you don’t have to pay for packaging. If you don’t have the space, try splitting the food with a neighbour or friend. Spices are a great example, a small jar of dried mint would cost me $3.00 at the grocery store, at a bulk store it would have just cost me pennies. Transfer your bulk food into your own jars, and containers, label it, the extra time is well worth the effort, and think of the money you will save. 2. Train yourself to shop mostly the outside aisles of the supermarket, the freshest food is on the exterior walls of your local grocery store. Dairy, meat, produce, are all fresher, healthier, and less expensive then the prepared meals that are in the inside aisles. Sure it’s convenient to have some microwave dinners in the freezer, but you will pay more for them. The same goes for prepared foods, the sodium and fat levels are high, they have lots of preservatives, and they cost more. Convenience is the price you pay when you don’t cook from scratch. 3. Make it from scratch… remember homemade? It seems that we are all so pressed for time now, that convenience foods are the way to save a few minutes. Made from scratch takes longer, but it costs less. You can also make a little extra for lunches the next day, or freeze leftovers to have on a day when you don’t have time to cook.

4. Shop the sales, I go through the store flyers, and specials in each flyer, then I mentally plan out meals using the sale priced items. Lets say large packs of ground beef are on sale, I can cook it all and freeze it in smaller amounts for when I need it. If there is only one or two items on sale at a particular store that I need, and another store has lots of what I am needing I will skip the first store, because what I save on food, might be spent on gas. And that’s not saving at all. 5. Plan ahead, your grocery costs will be less if you purchase items when they are on sale, and before you need them. It involves a bit of thinking, and preplanning, but in the end not having to run to the corner store for bread will save you $$$$. Because you know that there is no way you are just coming out of there with a loaf of bread. If a item is on sale, take advantage, and buy more then one, if you will use it in the next little while, it’s worth it to stock up.

6. Eat seasonal foods, and veggies when they are in season. Every fruit and veggie has a peak time and that’s usually when they are the least expensive to buy. Buying blueberries in winter will definitely cost you more than when they are in season during the summer months. Fruit and veggies are expensive during the winter, try buying frozen, or freeze your own, they make a great less expensive alternative. 7. And last, don’t buy non grocery items at the grocery store, this hint has always stuck in my head. Deodorant, laundry soap, toothpaste, convenience items are usually more expensive at the grocery store then the pharmacy, because they know that you are not going to make a trip to another store, and will justify the extra cost because of time constraints. If you wait for a sale at the pharmacy, or bulk store you can save even more.

Put the money you have saved from these grocery tips into a daily interest savings account. When you have saved enough, you can send me a post card from the Hawaiian vacation the accumulated savings paid for. Stop by the other Frugal Five, Brenda, Claudia, Elaine, and Diane for more grocery saving tips.

"To describe the agony of a marathon to someone who's never run it is like trying to explain color to someone who was born blind."- Hal Higdon, running coach

As of this writing, I am still recovering from the effects, both physical and emotional, of my first-ever marathon. Yes, my very first full mary. The big V word. Surprised? Yes, your fun Gingerbread scribe was a veritable newbie at the Condura Skyway Marathon. Although not a stranger to the distance having completed a 50k ultramarathon eons ago (okay maybe it was just last year), this was my first stab at racing a 42k. So how did it go? Let's do a quick backgrounder first.

Always the running event of the year

"The will to win means nothing if you haven't the will to prepare." - Juma Ikangaa, 1989 NYC Marathon winner

Having never actually "trained" for anything before and content to do mindless Gingerbread jagging with more emphasis on pacute than pakondisyon , I had planned for Condura to be my debut marathon as early as October. Using a program concocted by buddy/masochist/monster Edward Kho of Conquer Corregidor fame (he threw down a scintillating 3:27 by the way) , I proceeded to immerse myself in the so-called science of the sport. Tempo runs. Intervals. Ladders. Hill Work. Yasso 800's. Things that had sounded absolutely Greek to me became staples of my everyday routine.

Much to my surprise,the effects of the program were immediate and remarkably consistent. Each race seemed to incredibly usher in the advent of a new personal best. By the time that Condura beckoned, I had chopped 6 minutes off my 10k time and about 37 minutes from my 21k. Brimming with confidence, I had high hopes for my debut marathon. Feeling as good as I've felt in years, this Gingerbread newbie was ready to conquer that breezy, mid-morning party in the southern sky.

Newbies have it hard.

"The marathon can and will humble you. " - Bill Rodgers , four-time Boston Marathon winner

I really had no idea what to expect. Certain "scientific" calculations had me primed for a highly aspirational time based off my 10k and 21k results. But I had my doubts. While my speed work was fine, I had been remiss on my Sunday long runs - a byproduct of increasing family and work demands. The longest runs I had put in were two 30k dingers, and even if I felt in my gut that this was lacking, my innate stubbornness was telling me that my training and heart would somehow bring me home. Misguided naievity? But then again, this mindset has somehow paid dividends in the past. Let's see how the whole thing unravels with my retro race diary,I'll even put in a time stamp so it's like we're actually there.

Retro Race Diary?

2:30 : I wake up in a dazed, zombie-like state, the anxious effects of having roughly three hours and 37 seconds worth of sleep written all over my face. As with most newbies, I could barely sleep the night before. Tossed, turned, then eventually settled on watching an illicit copy of Spirit Of The Marathon. Thank God for YouTube. Much to my chagrin though, I didn't cry. Sob.

3:30 : With no traffic to contend with, I had an unexpectedly easy time parking. Hydrobelt? Check. Ipod? Check. Condura 2009 "street cred" spare shirt?Check. Wallet and license? Um, er, gulp. I'm screwed.

3:45 : After spending about 10 minutes getting lost looking for the starting corral, I finally saw my running buddies. Admittedly, I'm tense. Tight even. Too many thoughts going on in my head. Strategies. Nutrition. Pace. That Yeng Constantino song that's always on Love Radio. Fudge, I give up. I have come to the realization that I have absolutely no idea what I'm getting myself into. P.S- I got some grief for showing up in white shorts. UGH.

Yeng Constantino Fanboy?

4:00 : Well-modulated (and perhaps well-paid) host leads a fun countdown that seemed half a second behind. He must have been sleepy. It's funny how he prods people that "we have a wonderful surprise for you ", when it's so obvious that he's referring to a fireworks display to open the race. Anticlimactic to a certain extent, but made room for some unintentional comedy.

Host : 3, 2, 1... .. and now here's your surprise!

(eerie silence)

Host: Here! Game! Now na! Now! Now!

Fireworks are always fun though, awesome start to any race.

I love fireworks.
4:15 : For some insane reason, I thought I could hang with the big boys on this. I started with a pace group that included Junrox, Totoy, Chris and Wilnar, all certified monsters. Why the uncalled for bravado? Once again, I have to reiterate that I have no idea how to approach this. I'm a serial positive splitter in the short to middle distances. So I guess I was sticking close to home for this. Also, the idea was to maintain a 5:00- 5:10 minute pace for the first 21k, something not completely unattainable based from my previous results.

Note to self : Every time I'm with Wilnar in a pace group, something crazy happens. For instance, this 10k race in BF the plan was to open with a 4:30 min/km pace. Race begins. Less than 5 minutes later I can't breathe. Glance to watch - 3:45. Yeah!
So here , less than 3k into the race, I was straining. Not so much, but noticeable. Glance to watch - 4:30! 4:30!!! Whatever happened to 5:10? Wilnar has done it again! With a rabid fear of bottoming out later on, I motioned to the speedsters that I would be falling back.

And with labored b reathing defining my every step, I was all alone once more.
4:51 : 51 minute 10k. 3 minutes slower than usual. I think am doing good. I feel the pressure. I feel.. like I'm fading. What? No way! This early? As I go down to Buendia coming from Kalayaan, people are starting to catch up with me. What is going on? Seems the ol' mental makeup is shaky today. Team Hardcore Ultraman/Frontrunner Magazine progenitor Jonel "Bugobugo" Mendoza caught up with me, and it was a tremendous blessing that he was there. The pleasant conversation towed me through the near-entirety of Buendia, and for awhile things seemed... okay.

5:15 : Entering the Skyway. Being a 10k runner last year, this was my first time. And it sure was awesome. Well, until the part that I couldn't breathe anymore. Gasp. What to do what to do. Not good. Hey, my first and only time to be on the Skyway for free! Yipee! Gasp.

Conquering... . is easier said than done
5:30: Ominous statement of the day from some random guy who kept on talking to me on the road - "You're going too fast, you're going too fast! We have to take it slow or we burn out right away". Sounds like my ex-girlfriend on our first date. Smirk.

Let's take it slow? 5:39: They say that too much thinking can kill a man. And it's true. I fussed so much about my strategy that I ended up doing things I never really do. I walked all water stations, ostensibly to save on energy. But each time, the person I was running with was so far off that I couldn't catch up anymore. I felt my heart rate plummet every time I stopped. Something was going to go awry. I could feel it. Jonel disappeared from the horizon. So did Takbo.ph buddy Kampugers (don't judge me, it's a term of endearment) when I took a break. Panic was setting in. I was going nowhere real fast.

5:59 : Halfway mark. 1:59. In the vernacular, tipid na tipid? At nine minutes off my regular time, the prevailing mindset here is that the energy I'm conserving will get me through. Celebrity sighting : Jaymie/TBR. She looks awful strong out there. I could have sworn she was running with white compression shorts model/Runnr guru OJ. Gave a lame, token attempt to run with them, and poof! I eat dust. Note to self : Buy white compression shorts.

Classic OJ here.
6:30 : Pain (p

n) - An unpleasant sensation occurring in varying degrees of severity as a consequence of injury, disease, or emotional disorder.
Pain. Yeah. At roughly the 25k mark, I was in a lot of it. The pressure, over-analyzation, and a glaring lack of long runs most probably caused a way premature case of cramps and wall-bonking. Really odd. At Baldie Rizal Day 32k, at around the same point I felt I could have gone all day. Here, I was spent. As runner after runner passed me, the prospect of a strong finish was slowly slipping away.

What was really happening at 25k

7:00 : Getting hot. Am starting to slip into a dazed, zombie-like mode. Oftentimes, I'd try to latch on to people I know, casual conversation helps take your mind off the pain. Oftentimes I'd stop. Mentally, I'm in shambles. I thought I prepared well enough for this.

7:15 : I just realized for the first time that hey, it's nice here in the Skyway. Awesome even. I was so engrossed with all this competitive running-related crap that I'm starting to forget the little joys of our sport.

Find the joy in it GBM!
7:25 : Badly fading toward the latter stretch, I saw Condura boss Pat Concepcion along with his pseudo entourage. In a terrible daze, I willed myself to run with their group if only to get towed a kilometer or two.With the cameras rolling, he must have been wondering who was this weird character running behind him, posing for pictures even with a weird smile. Aaah the joys of Gingerbread anonymity.

It pays to be part of the Patcon entourage7:30 : Sound bite from Milo National finalist Vener/Run Unlimited nearing 32k - "Musta newbie? Tara let's go konti na lang! Mag 6mpk tayo!" As much as I wanted to, my legs had already gone to some Carribean island sipping ice tea on the beach while I had to drag their useless carasses around. Hmph.

7:50 : Oh thank God for the Takbo.ph aid station! Having manned this in the past, I was never really able to fully grasp the value of this altruistic initiative until I was on the receiving end. While experiencing a level of pain somewhere in between "roasting over hot coals" and "multiple astral projections", there's no better salve than warm smiles from supportive friends with a side helping of healthy encouragement. I was so warped by this point that when I ran into moody buddy/podium regular Zinnia on her bike, I have reason to believe this following conversation actually took place :

Z : Just a couple more meters to the aid station! We have stuff for you there!
GBM : Grunt. Uuuuuuh.
Z: Hoooooooy!! Are you okaaay?
GBM : Uuuuuuuuuh

Z : Anyway, just go there! Zombie!
I was so overjoyed to have recovering speedster Mac and an unknown, muscular man we shall just call "Manong" massage my weary legs. I guess it's the only time I'll ever thoroughly enjoy a massage given by two , er, men. Que handed me a banana, and Sir Amado's snapped up some pictures. All these served as a welcome respite, and I felt like I was on a rejuvenated high entering the homestretch.

Manong's steady hands did the trick8:20 : Kalayaan Flyover redux beckons. Been a worthy adversary on so many occassions. I think I've solved it though. But... . not... . on... .. this... . dang I gotta walk. Kalayaan Flyover 7, GBM 6.

8:30 : So near yet so far. Nearing collapse, I am dazed, confused, and running completely on empty.

8:40: This seems to be the longest 3km stretch of my life.Oh my god. You have got to be kidding me. When is it going to end? Just as I am about to sprawl on the pavement, I run into running bloggers Vicky (incredibly running a marathon on a whim! Awesome!) and hot bod Rodel/Argonaut. We are all pretty much in the same boat, literally crawling. Peace by inches. Have... . to... .. gut.. this... out.

8:45: Trying to fartlek my way home, I almost collapse into Argow, "Kristo" -style. I have absoulely nothing left to give.

8:55 : One last stab at glory, no way I'm finishing this like a cripple. Months of training leads to one last tempo run. One last burst of speed to bring it home. Don't give up now!

Last shot at glory... 8:56: And it's DONE! Yeah!!!!! Was never happier to see a finish line. The most agonizing 42.195 kms of my life done in 4:56:03. I wanted to cry... but the tears wouldn't come. Must have been the dehydration. The marathon has chewed me up, spit me in pieces and brought me to my knees. Friends say I am pale, and a massive headache follows. I can barely walk straight.

I missed my goal in a bad way.

But you know what they say about marathons? When you cross the finish line, no matter how slow or fast, it will change your life forever. And I firmly believe that. As all of this was starting to sink in, a stark realization suddenly dawned upon me. I'm... I'm a marathoner now! A real one! I'm now officially part of the .1 of 1% of the world's population to have finished one! The time doesn't even matter. What matters is I crossed that line in one piece in spite of the overwhelming urge to just flat out quit. I felt like I have left my blood, guts, and soul out there.
And at that exact moment, at that time and place, in spite of the terrible physical beating I took...

I was at peace. And overwhelmingly happy.

Guess that's the spirit of the marathon for you right there.

p.s. I can't wait to get back out there again :P

Yes, Yes YES!
Those were the words ringing in my head as I was sprinting to the finish line at yesterday's Philippine International Marathon 10k race. Not prematurely as was my folly in the numerous times I have faltered in the past - I made sure the celebration came when the mat was right in front of me. I took time to savor the moment... and sought to retrace the twists and turns leading up to it.

Finally! Yay!
What's the big deal?
To some, a sub-50 finish may not seem like a particularly big deal. But to me, it takes on a certain measure of significance as it represents the pinnacle of a particularly tough climb from the recesses of an unhealthy downward spiral. Not to mention finally getting past a mental hurdle that had incessantly gotten the best of me. I was actually so close to giving up on it already. Just let it go man. It ain't meant to be.

Not in the blood
Why was this the case? I was thinking, maybe I just don't have it in me. You know how some people are just natural athletes? Introduce them to running, and right off the bat they could run a 45 minute 10k split with no training at all. I was never one of those people. Not even close. Blame it on poor genes. I have had the benefit of having totally unathletic parents, unless you consider competitive eating a sport. In high school, could never run the fastest, nor jump the highest. My friends could touch the basketball rim. I could touch the ... . board. I even tried killing myself with Jumpsoles, ever remember those things? Nah, didn't work. Not in the blood I guess.

My Dad could take this dude any day, name the place
Humble BeginningsMy first 10k was a 1:28. In what was to be a precursor to my positive split strategy, I started out really fast... . only to bottom out during the 2nd half. I had no conditioning to speak of. I was also um, fat. 205 lbs. Gak. I was so conscious of my pata that I wore jogging pants. Yeah, the baggy type that was all the rage in the 1990's. I seemed to have been passed by every Tom, Dick and Harry along with Jane. Depressingly, I nearly threw up at the finish line. Yeah. Talk about being out of shape.

Grandpa beat me fair and square

Getting Ambitious
Long,painstaking hours of lonesome training later and I found myself clearing the sub-60 and sub-55 marks in rapid succession. Hey, I like this. I'm actually... getting to be good at this. Admittedly, I'm a competitive running junkie. Don't know if that's a good thing, but I constantly benchmark against the very best runners in our group. I want to force myself to get better. Wanting to take my game to the next level, I discovered that lowering the bar from 55 - 50 was becoming exponentially harder.

Wanna go up the ladder? It's harder than you think.

Breakdown City

My best shot came at Ayala Eco-Dash. Let you in on my thought process during those crucial final moments :

They say that running is just as much mental as physical, sometimes even more. I completely agree, 100%. Here I was , on the cusp of beating one of my biggest running goals, and I was doing a completely chokejob. Mentally, I was messed up. I was freaking out and panicking. Prematurely celebrating, I was even thinking of a title for the blog post already. ... and ended up missing it by 15 seconds. Damn. Oh the heartbreak.

Breakdowns put you in esteemed company
This is It?
In an attempt to finally slay the ghosts of 10k breakdowns past, I had resolved to join this year's Philippine International Marathon. Good friend/"doping like effect coach/Conquer Corregidor head honcho Edward Kho told me "this was the flattest course I have ever ran". Knowing that the route would take me across Roxas Blvd, I said to myself,hey, maybe I'll get lucky this time.
I rushed to get to the venue as early as 3:30 in a lame attempt to meet Sir Jovie aka Bald Runner to get my 1,000 Km club shirt. No such luck. I was there 3:30, took me about 40 minutes to find a parking slot. By that time they had already gone off for the start of the 42k. Boo. Maybe next time.

So in short, I waited for several hours until the 6:00 am gun. Former President FVR actually dropped by, gave us runners in the front rows a quick pep talk. He seems like a nice guy. In hindsight though, don't they all?

Panic Mode
As the race began, I was a little off-tangent because everyone next to me was sprinting like a madman. You sort of get caught up in it. Or maybe that's just the sheer lack of conditioning, nursing flu-like symptoms all week. Took me some time to get into any rhythm whatsoever, and the splits showed it - 4:13. 4:35, 4:55. Oh no. It's not supposed to go down that fast . Nooooo!!!! Breathe. Relax. And just as I felt I was getting my bearings back, i ran right smack into the last thing I wanted to see - a flyover. So much for a completely flat course. Noooo. I felt my sub-50 dreams evaporate right then and there.

What a waste. I lost pace with those two flyovers. Tried pushing it, but knocked the wind out of my sails right after. Losing pace rapidly. And my woes were compounded by the 5k contingent at their turnaround point, as I had to labor through a veritable "Alay Lakad" crowd. At the 8k mark, I had a 5:17 split (worst of the race) with no relief in sight. I could barely breathe. Legs weren't there anymore. Call it a day. Game over.

Freaking out was more like it.
Digging Deep
Then I thought to myself. Here I go again. At Eco-dash, I gave up mentally. I just threw in the towel. Then came the realization - just 10 more minutes of agony for the glorious satisfaction of victory. I once read a quote that said "when it starts to really hurt, that's the time to push it even harder" You have no idea how much those little snippets actually helped. Digging deep, I went headhunting and went after a really speedy guy wearing a KOTR 2007 singlet. Setting aside the pain, I went for broke, knowing each second wasted brought me farther and farther away from my dream. The 9k split was starting to look encouraging. 44:10. I can do this!
I ran like there was no more tomorrow. All of those days training in the rain, in the heat, at 4:00 am in the morning - this was what it all comes down to. Right then and there, you had to leave your blood and guts on the road. There simply was no other way. You HAD to want it. It wasn't going to present itself on a silver platter. And upon hitting the line, I was numb at first. Then it registered. 49:12. Oh yes. Yes. YES. I finallly did it! I finally breached the sub-50 mark!!! Yahoo!!!

My mind drifted to all those past failures, those past trials. The inherent lack of athleticism. How the goal had seemed so lurid to begin with, and steeling yourself for the eventuality that maybe you just didn't have it in you. Just let it go man. It ain't meant to be. It probably never will be. Basking in the glow of victory, i was happy, overjoyed even, that for one day at least... .

It actually was. :)