As some of you may have read in Sir Rene aka the Jazzrunner's blog,during the presser for the Green Miles Run to be held at MOA this March 21st our favorite foil/celebrity speedster Piolo P. issued a 15k challenge to all his pseudo running critics out there - the most notable being um, your fun Gingerbread scribe. Apparently, 10k's are starting to bore to him, and he wanted to take it to the next level - a 15k! Oh boy! Here's the official Gingerbread response to that :
GBM says... .Dear Piolo,
How are you? How's it going? Before I begin, congratulations on a fine turn as both William and Phillip in "Manila". Although the premise of the country's most mainstream actor doing an indie film seemed absurd to me at the onset, the Brocka references and its "amplification through simplification" take on the stories really did the job for me. Congrats, any international awards are well deserved.
Good tribute to the master...
Anyway, back to the business at hand. As I understand, you have gotten bored with your 10k's and have decided to step it up a notch by issuing a 15k challenge to all and sundry during the presser which I oh so sadly missed. Anyway, given my pointed analysis of your previous running exploits, denizens have taken this challenge to be somewhat of a personal showdown, mano y mano , between yourself and this humble Gingerbread scribe.
Everyone is hyped over "The Challenge"
Sides have been taken in what has been dubbed the biggest pay-per-view run event of the year. In fact, even a betting line has emerged. Oddsmakers have put you as a -165 favorite, meaning one needs to bet P165 to win P100. Meanwhile, odds for good ol' GBM are at -125, P125 to win P100. When asked to explain the line,a representative from top Manila oddsmaker Sheerwill Sportsbook had this say :
The line first opened at -350 for Piolo, an astonishing number. We have a notion that most of those who placed bets were screaming females who got excited with his superb 10k time. A rash of P50,000 bets evened it out though, as running pundits realized that the difference between GBM's 10k time and Piolo's was less than 30 seconds. This was notwithstanding the fact that he has a lot more experience in the middle distances and Piolo is more or less untested. He is hella cute though, tell him I said hi?
Take your pick... ...
While the general betting public has more or less made me the underdog, I just realized that you had set a lofty 1:10 goal for this race. Coach Rio must have concocted a crazy regimen for you, because that sure is one heck of a crazy target. At 47:54, your net pace for your 10k was 4:47 min/km. A 1:10 15k would entail a 4:40 pace, which means that not only do you have to run a 46:40 10k, you need to somehow hold this pace with no dropoff for five more kilometers.
GBM Underdog? Horrible movie though.
There is no doubt in my mind that you can do this though, given your propensity to shock us. My best 15k is a 1:15:17, and there is no way I'm running anything faster than that anytime soon. Anyway, in as much as I would like to give the public what they want, I have a list of demands to somehow even out the playing field.
1. Fresh Legs?
After running the Condura 42k this February 7th, I'll be going out on a limb and will be attempting to conquer the Bataan Death March 102k Ultramarathon his March 6th. To be honest, I don't even know how long it would take me to walk straight after that, much less run on pace. Most runners take months to regain their normal speed after an ultra. BDM 102 takes a maximum of 18 hours to complete. So for the sake of parity, I demand that you complete a straight 18-hour shoot on the set of your next movie, possibly the one in the works with Sarah Geronimo, immediately before the race. Movie passes for the premiere never hurt too, I always wanted to be one of those screaming in front of the camera.
Bagay naman ah... .2. Should you lose "The Challenge"...
First, you will agree to an exclusive interview with Front Runner Magazine,the first full-sized running magazine in the metropolis today done by runners for runners. Grab a copy now at a PowerBooks near you before they run out!
Awesome mag!
Second, you will agree to a live, in-studio interview on Run Radio, which airs every Friday 9-10 pm at NU107. It is without a doubt the most amazing radio show on running here in the Philippines... and you have to listen in :)
Soon!
3. I need a celebrity coach
Let's face it. Coach Rio is one of the best in the business, and he probably has you do all these fancy drills and exercises along with quirky motivational sorties while adoring females snapping away at every opportunity. As for myself, I have no fancy coaching. A buddy concocted a masochistic program for me though, which I use while getting heckled ( Nagmamadali ka Phogi? Ayos ah Jagging na Jagging, tagay muna baka madapa ka!) traversing the "depressed" side of Gold Loop Ortigas. So I demand that your camp hook me up with a fancy celebrity coach. Or at least prod Coach Rio to give me a discount (@,@).
Not exactly Timex billboard material... .4. Olympic Style Drug Testing
Not that in any way I am accusing you of using performance-enhancing drugs, but in the spirit of transparency to the general public, I believe they have a right to know that we are running on the merits of our own blood, sweat, and tears. We will be subjected to unlimited, random urine and blood tests up to 14 days before the start of the race by a licensed PATAFA official. This is crucial, if only to erase any doubts the pundits may have. It's only a teaspoon of blood, and I reckon you don't have any "superstitions" like what that, what's his name oh Pacquiao dude has.
If you fail to agree to this, I will be prevailed upon to come up with a press statement much akin to this, and this more or less torpedoes the race :
I understand Piolo not liking having his blood taken because, frankly, I don't know anyone who really does. But in a race of this magnitude, I think it is our responsibility to subject ourselves to sportsmanship at the highest level. I have already agreed to the testing and it is a shame that he is not willing to do the same. It leaves me with great doubt as to the level of fairness I would be facing on the road that day.
They blew it... .
So with all of these things in consideration, I am awaiting your official response not more than 10 days after the publication of this article, and I am hopeful that you will agree to all of the aforementioned conditions. Be ready to bring it on March 21st!
Your Loyal Fan,
GBM