Why hello there old friends. It's been nearly two weeks since my last entry. I don't think that's ever happened. Ever. My inactivity is but a testament to the volume of work that I have been putting up lately. I've been doled up in the Gingerbread Cave, doing boring, tedious Gingerbread research, even going 38 straight hours without sleep. Yes, it's a sad Gingerbread life. I am so out of the loop. The stress has rendered me a sunken, disheveled shell of my former self.While taking my ITB recovery one step at a time, good ol' GBM is relegated to finding a new hobby to take his mind off things. ANY hobby. I'm desperate. The search begins now... .
The Competitive Drinker
Ranked #4 in Barangay Hulo
In my solace, I considered visiting the hunting grounds of an old, familiar foil - beloved Internet Legend Tito Caloy. Equally renowned for both his longevity in pulling out 27k LSD's as with his propensity to obliterate entire Emperador bottles , he pitched me into entering his "realm", a place where there were no limits, where your mind could take you wherever you wished. As much as that sounded like my running dictum, a bottle of Johnny Walker Black in full view jolted me back into the absurdity of the situation.
Yum?
Uncle Bob's Spartan Regimen
I was introduced by Tito Caloy to the undisputed champion drinker of his barangay, a luminary who goes by the monicker Uncle Bob. The current Philippine record holder in the 10 liter Wines/Spirits category, legend has it he once drank 2 kegs of Red Horse just for fun.Apparently, he would be grounding me into the wonderful world of competitive drinking.
Coach Teteng : How many bottles can you drink in one session?
GBM : I can drink 5 bottles max I think.
CT: Seriously? You drink like a girl.
GBM: Um, I'd like to think I drink more than a girl.
CT:You need more training! You're a disgrace to the family name! Your uncle is a tremendous drinker!
GBM: Ugh, I'd like to think that I don't really drink because I run and I...
CT: Oh whatever just drink this its good for you!
GBM: !!!!
Uncle Bob during warm-up
Uncle Bob told me to do a warm-up "lap" of 3 bottles of San Mig Light before proceeding to our training session. Listen newbie, I will be training you to be the best of the best. I hate mediocrity. Let's start with the secret of every competitive drinker's success - the LSD. LSD?? Yes, the LSD. Stands for Long Slow Drinking. As you aim to increase the tempo and intensity of your drinking sessions, you need to build your base tolerance first. Concentrate on adding more and more bottles per session to develop your BO2Max (Maximium Bottle Overload). Add base bottle mileage by at least 8% every week and you will be on your way to reaching the level of your uncle. Do you know that he has a pace of 2.4 bottles/min at Max LC (liver capacity)? Tremendous drinker. So many tambays here strive to be just like him, such an inspiration.
Either the "warm-up lap" got me drunk or I just really miss running that much , as I could have sworn that Uncle Bob was channeling beloved Takbo.ph mod Coach Pojie right then and there. Saddened at the mere thought of my erstwhile lifeblood, I thanked Uncle Bob for his time, told him it wasn't for me and while absorbing his stinging "you're a disgrace to your family" diatribe (he was on his 3rd Johnny Walker B. by this time), slowly found my way to the door... ... .
Running. How I miss it.
(sigh)
(to be continued)