When it comes to Halloween candy the world is made up of two different kinds of people. Those who buy early and spend November onwards working out as penance for eating it all before Halloween, and those who wait until the very last minute and can’t find the kind that they like to eat. I urge you to wait until the last second to buy your candy not only is it picked over, it might even be on sale!! Chomp, chomp, nummmm… nummmmmmbbbbmmmm
It’s important to fall into the latter category, because if you buy your candy to early there is a larger selection, you are more than likely going to get “just one bag of this kind because _______ insert name here, loves it, and if there aren’t that many kids, then he/she [read I] can have some [all of it, because there is still time to get lots more, and look how small they make them nowadays, they have almost no calories].
Right, as if the kiddies will ever see the creepy orange blood splattered light of your Halloween display glinting off of that chocolate bar before it disappears forever into their poly cotton 50/50 percale blend “Mom it’s not big enough” pillow case.
Let’s get real. If it is at all edible and purchased sometime before the “oh my gosh did we really forget to get candy 4:30 pm deadline when all the littlest tricksters hit the pavement toward the path of greater sugar consumption, it’s a goner. A long gone goner.
As in kiss that Hershey goodbye we accidentally opened the package, and look would you here, it’s, there are only a few whoops, were a few, left, mumble, chocolate, sigh, chocolate, mumble mumble mumble… crunch, stuff, crunch. What Hershey?
Nope I don’t like them that much, it’s just that we bought them for _______ insert name here, he/she/ [me]. I don’t even like this kind. Just imagine if I did. What category are you, early purchaser, easy eater. Or I’ll take anything, as long as it’s candy. My mouth is full, can’t talk…