Disclaimer: I forget sometimes that not everyone understands my sense of humour, this is a totally fictional depiction of my life; according to Pinterest… I do not spend that much time on Pinterest, [ahem, well not really], and I certainly do not live this lifestyle. It was written to make you laugh, that’s all.
And I am certain that no one really lives like this, do they?
I break my gaze from the computer screen in order to take a sip of my iced mint basil watermelon frosty in the etched monogramed glass, and carefully place it on my recycled wine cork coaster, grimacing as I glance at my steampunk decoupage watch detailed with antique silver spoon dangles, has the time really gone by that fast? It seems like only minutes ago I sat down at the shabby chic vintage kitchen table turned computer desk, daringly placed between my no sew burlap drapes, hung against the horizontal striped alternating gloss and mat painted walls of my studio, but it had been hours. That’s OK, after all I had just broken a personal record and repined over 603 pins, and created 15 new boards, all the while picking up 259 new followers.
I look down at the Chevron throw rug that I had had woven from my husbands old t-shirts… well they were new at the time, but the stain removal process I repined onto my organic cleaning solutions board on Pinterest didn’t work quite the way the pinner claimed it would. In fact it ate hole in the fabric, but waste not want not I told myself as I used a box cutter made out of recycled cutlery that I found in the kitchen tool box made from a old suitcase adhered to the back of my newly distressed with Vaseline cupboard doors, to rip the remaining fabric into strips.
I had better search Pinterest for a gourmet, gluten free, clean eating, Paleo main course recipe, or else I could just open the color coordinated recipe binder organized into daily, weekly, and monthly menus, each costing no more then $4 for the entire meal, while using only organic ingredients sourced from under 100 miles of us. I also had the option of checking the outside of the freezer door to see what precooked meals tucked into canvas totes for easier removal, were marked on it with a dry erase pen.
I drifted by the gallery wall filled with engineer sized black and white textured family photos that I had created on Photoshop, mod podged, and hand framed with discarded pallets, but diverted my gaze from the guest room which overflowed with Pinterest fails, and unfinished projects. I made my way to the mud room with it’s front loading washer and dryer where I blended homemade laundry soap. As I gently rubbed a smudge off of the mason jar bottoms that I had cut with a candle, dental floss, and a ice cube, before super gluing onto the wall for a custom backsplash I reflected that I would need to make some more orange vinegar.
Life according to Pinterest is always creative and busy, I was forever finding new uses for things we might have previously thrown out. I thought with regret about all the used coffee filters that could have been turned into flowers, or the white plastic spoons, we could have made into a garden trellis…
So many pins, so little time I thought to myself as I sat on my antique pop crate turned ottoman… life according to Pinterest was so fulfilling now, what on earth did we do before it came along?